Waiting and more waiting. We now know my sister has cancer. Just what type and what type of treatment she will need are still to be revealed.
People have been telling me to take care of myself too. I’m not sure how to do that right now. Nothing seems real. I’m eating. I’m bathing. I’m trying to get sleep although that hasn’t been working out so good. Is there anything else I’m supposed to do?
I thought she would die of a broken heart from losing my mom. Not for a moment did I imagine this. In my favorite movie of all time there is a line, and forgive me if I slightly mis-quote it. “The world is round so we can’t see what is coming.” I was prepared to lose my mom, after all she was 98, but I came around the corner and got sucker punched by a two by four called cancer. What an ugly word.
I’m going to get mad. I’m not there yet, but it’s coming. Anger is one of the stages of grief, so you’re just going to have to forgive me, because I’m going to get really, really mad.
The diagnosis came. Ovarian Cancer. There is nothing the doctors can do. It is far too advanced. She has already beat the odds living this long with her symptoms. Now, we turn to living what time she has left in the best possible way we can manage.
So, I may not be writing much in the coming months. I don’t know yet how all this will play out. In a way writing is therapy for me, but I don’t want my anger to spill out on you. One thought keeps recurring as I lay here trying unsuccessfully to sleep. My mother knew. She knew she had to die, so she could be there to take care of my sister.