I feel adrift, rocking somewhere in a boat and I can’t see the shore. This boat has no oar, no sails, and no anchor. My anchor is gone.
I also feel like I’m living two lives right now. One, in my home, writing, doing fall yard work, making s’mores with my granddaughter, trying to plan for the book launch, and the other, in my mother’s home five hours drive away, trying to clean and sort and prepare my sister for whatever lies ahead in her future. I find I don’t split myself up well.
I’m even contemplating getting a cleaning person for the time being. When I come home, I want it to be a haven where I can rest and recharge, and that doesn’t seem to include cleaning my house. LOL.
My granddaughter helped me bring in the backyard art for winter and decorate for Halloween. I had already put up fall things, but we added Jack-o-lanterns, a scarecrow, Mrs. Bones to the bench out front, a ghost gourd and a scary purple cat (okay, so maybe purple makes it not so scary). She loves doing it and I enjoy watching her.
I am so grateful to my family and friends who are rallying around me with love and support. My job is to stay strong in order to support my sister. Sometimes that is easy, other times not so much. We do what we have to do to get through. I am proud of her for her positive attitude in light of so much bad news.
I mowed the lawn for the last time this season, brought in the outdoor furniture, and drained the hoses. Now to go over the hill and do that on the other side of the mountain. This is probably convincing me of why I don’t want a cabin somewhere to take care of. I think I’ll stick with rentals. I know when I return there will be tons of the neighbor’s leaves to rake up. Funny, that’s a job I don’t mind versus scrubbing a bathroom and dusting baseboards.