The Loss of a Child

My best friend just lost her twenty-two year old daughter. There is nothing worse that can happen to a parent, nothing.

I already know there is no answer to the maddening question why. Why why why? The lack of an answer is so cruel. All a person wants is a little clarity, a little lessening of the pain, a little understanding. What comes is a void of hurt and anguish, and no answers.

Life makes no promises. I know that. Life has great joy and great anguish. We must not forget to enjoy every moment we possibly can with the ones we love. I know that too. I know that when my older sister died (she was 31), I was unable to fully comfort my mother because of my inexperience with death. At twenty-five and pregnant, I struggled with my own grief and could not comprehend what my parents were going through. I have a better idea now.

I hope that in some small way, I am giving my best friend some of the comfort I could not give my mother all those years ago when we lost my sister. I hope my mother had a friend to help her. I hope. What else is there to do now?

Quiet things soothe the heart after the sobs and keening of grief: a shoulder for tears and time, so much time. Each person must go through it alone, trudging through each day until enough days have gone by that a tiny mend appears in the tear. It is easily torn anew with the slightest memory or thought, but each time the tear heals a tiny bit stronger. Then a miracle occurs and the good memories begin to nudge away the anguish, replacing the unbearable pain with a smile and gratefulness for the time you had together.


About Barbara K Tyner

A graduate of UCCS with a degree in English Lit., Barbara writes Children's Literature and fiction. Her popular children's series, The Badger Books, is co-authored with Barbara's daughter, Laura. Her first novel, "Wait Here, Wait There" deals with grief and Alzheimer's, two topics that are very difficult to manage in real life. Barbara volunteers doing school programs and speaking to support groups. National Parks, hiking, and snow-shoeing are in her list of favorite hobbies.
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One Response to The Loss of a Child

  1. Gudrun says:

    Thank you, my friend … I am blessed not to be alone yet I am trudging …

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