News Release

There has been a series of catastrophic events lately leading up to near chaos. The news media missed most of these stories but now that the Ground Hog has been indicted, they are beginning to take note. Here is how this almost horrific calamity unfolded.

To begin this tragedy, the Ground Hog got fired. To celebrate, an inebriated Chicken Hawk, who drank too much green beer leftover from St. Paddy’s Day, mistakenly snatched up the Easter Bunny and ate him for lunch. The Hawk, who’s name is not being divulged to protect his family, is now in protective custody and undergoing therapy.

With so much snow from the latest blizzards, officials thought maybe Santa’s sleigh could be enlisted to deliver the Easter eggs, so they tried to get a hold of the reindeer, but the entire North Pole crew is in the Bahamas for Spring Break. They aren’t expected back until June. Professor Dumbledore is on sabbatical for this school year and OZ is unavailable also. His publicist said the cause is exhaustion –  most likely from making his latest movie.

I am afraid it is up to you parents and grandparents to deliver the eggs this year. The good news is, this year there is no shortage of eggs. Some people have been reported to be afraid of the dyes used to color the eggs, but I found a simple solution: peel the egg before you eat it. That helps with the texture too.

I thought maybe it was time for a little levity. My subject matter has been a bit opinionated lately. This morning, post-blizzard, I went out to use my snow-blower and discovered I didn’t have any gas in either the blower or my gallon gas container. Since I never had to use the blower last year, I drained the old gas last spring and was supposed to put fresh gas in before this season. Oops. Farm girl survival 101. D-. The good part of all this, is that after sitting around all day yesterday in the blizzard, I actually got some good exercise today shoveling out the driveway in order that I be able to go buy some gas for my snow-blower. However, at this point, I think I will wait and get some fresh gas next fall. You guys need to remind me to do that, though, okay? Happy Spring Everyone. It is coming, I promise.


About Barbara K Tyner

A graduate of UCCS with a degree in English Lit., Barbara writes Children's Literature as well as mainstream fiction. Her popular children's series, The Badger Books, is co-authored with Barbara's daughter, Laura. Her first novel, "Wait Here, Wait There" deals with grief and Alzheimer's. Her second novel, Rhyaden, a middle grade fantasy released Nov. 2018. Gardening, exploring National Parks, Kayaking, hiking, and snow-shoeing top her list of favorite hobbies.
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1 Response to News Release

  1. Happy Spring. Thanks for the creative news story. I thought for a moment you were going to talk about the 7th Street natural gas leak and evacuation 🙂 You should be okay on the snowblower – well, April is coming, so????

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