Okay, so the other day I was playing Rummy 500 against my computer and by luck of the cards I won in a landslide. I found myself apologizing to Jack (the face of my imaginary opponent and the only steady man in my life right now) while I was trying not to laugh. Then I really cracked up. Here I am apologizing to the computer! As my kids would say, “I’ve gone round the bend!” Now I think laughing is good for the soul, but come on Barb, this could get really pathetic.
I have been sorting through files and finally decided I can throw away all those papers I wrote in college. Kind of sad though – they were so profound! That is a good laugh too.
I drove out to the family farm a few days ago, looking for some needed paperwork and I came home sad. I realized I had been looking for Dean too, and he still isn’t there. That’s the thing about grief. Every once in a while it sneaks up on a person and there isn’t a thing you can do about it except go through it. I just have to remember that I still have his best works, his children and grandchildren, and they are here for me to love and share the memories with.
I wrote this poem a long time ago (found it in the files I went through) so I thought I’d share it.
Memories by Barbara Tyner
One more winters gone by,
And another part of me,
Stayed behind to fade and die,
And left me only memory.
Time springs forward this coming weekend. That means the days are longer and I will be gardening soon. Funny to say that when I look outside at all the snow around my house. It may not be possible to blog next Monday but I will try. You try not to crack up while I’m gone – unless it is the laughing kind.