One of the life lessons I have struggled to master in recent years is my need to control things or fix things. I have been saying that I am getting better at letting go, and for the most part, I believe I am. Recently, another lesson presented itself and it took me a long time to recognize what was happening.
For the last five weeks, I have struggled with finding the words to help a friend who has hurt me. I struggled because I did not want to aggravate the situation further and I truly did not nor do I yet know what went wrong. I’ve had a lot of experience with my own adult children in which my words ( said with good intentions ) came out wrong and caused further grief between us. I am learning from that. I’ve also been saying that I have been getting better at keeping my mouth shut. Really.
No answers have come to me. No words of wisdom that I can impart to my friend. I have felt almost haunted by this for weeks, until now. I realized, finally, there is a reason no words ( and words are my thing ) came to me. I realized I cannot fix this, I can’t even help. All of the things I wanted to say in my pain, would only make things worse or not be heard. They would only hear me trying to get the last word in. I don’t have to. It’s not my problem.
I have peace now, in my silence and I pray that my silence will be a blessing to my friend. It is the final gift of love that I can offer. There is always the hope that in the future, the friendship can grow again but that isn’t up to me. My blessing is my acceptance of what I can and cannot do and the peace that I just let into my heart.